


An Unexpected Influx of Feelings

by stars28



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:42:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28
Summary: When Jack kissed me on stage tonight, as per normal, what wasn't normal was the rush of feelings that had gone through me.





	1. "If the world was ending, would you come with me or just leave?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Do You Know What I'm Seeing? - Panic At The Disco)

When Jack kissed me on stage tonight, as per normal, what wasn't normal was the rush of feelings that had gone through me. I don't know what happened.  
  
And, because of that, I was in the nearest bar, getting shit-faced. It's what I turn to when I feel lost - drinking until I can barely stand, let alone walk in a straight line.  
  
Everyone else had opted to go to bed, or to watch a movie in the tourbus.  
  
I ordered another beer off the barmaid. If I wasn't so preoccupied with my thoughts and unexpected feelings, I probably would've tried to get her in bed with me. She was curvy and blonde, just my type.  
  
My new bottle of beer arrived and I glanced up from staring at the top of the bar to smiled apprectivately at the barmaid. She smiled back, her teeth shining.  
  
_Not as nice as Jack's smile though._ My brain decided to tell me. I took a quick drink of my beer, emptying almost half of it into my system.  
  
Why did I suddenly have feelings for Jack, my best friend? I questioned myself.

* * *

I was at another bar in another state. We'd just finised a show, and we were celebrating a job well done. We didn't have another show for two days, so we could all get completely pissed, which I was taking full advantage of.  
  
"Hey Alex, don't you think you should slow down a bit?" Zack said, sipping his own beer.  
  
I shook my head as I ordered another beer. From my position on the corner of the bar, I could see Jack as he flirted and danced with the scantily clad girls. As if I needed reminding that he was straight, and I - apperently - wasn't.  
  
Since that kiss about a week ago, I had kept my distance, both emotionally and physically, from Jack. I don't think he has noticed, and if he has, he hasn't said anything about it.  
  
I had been uncharacteristically quiet around him too, only answering when he spoke directly to me or in interviews. But in interviews, we were expected to continue the "Jalex" thing the fans had started. I was beginning to think that the "Jalex" theory was going to be the death of me. Every touch, every kiss set my bones alight with desire for my best friend, but he - obviously - didn't feel the same.  
  
I looked back over at Jack to see him grinding against one of the barely-dressed girls. Growling, I knocked back my drink. Keeping my eyes fixed on his body dipping and moving in time with the crappy hip-hop music that was blaring out of the speakers, I ordered another.

* * *

I was so drunk, I could barely walk. Trying to walk only ended up with me falling over my own feet, which wasn't fun at all. So this, because of my inability to walk by myself, led to Jack half-carrying me back to the tour bus.  
  
"You don't normally get this drunk Alex. What gives?" Jack asked, as I stumbled alongside him.  
  
I didn't answer, I was preoccupied by the way his long, lean legs ate up the ground. His legs were so underrated, they were gorgeous.  
  
"Alex?"  
  
I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn't. Jack was illuminated by the street lights, his brown eyes staring at me, hopefully. I gulped as my eyes observed his soft-looking lips and the way his hair fell in his eyes.  
  
"I - I - I..." I couldn't answer, not when he was looking at me with such hope and trust. I couldn't tell him it was because of him. I couldn't.  
  
"Ok Lex, let's get to the bus." Jack said after a few beats of silence.  
  
As we walked - well, Jack walked and I stumbled - I couldn't stop smiling. _He had called me 'Lex'! He had given me a nickname!_

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, probably from the alcohol I'd consumed last night. I groaned and opened my eyes.  
  
"Morning Alex!" Jack greeted me when I had finally got dressed and stumbled through into the front longue.  
  
I just grunted as I made my way across to the coffee machine. I needed coffee if I was going to function even semi-normally this morning. While my coffee was brewing, I got myself a mug. Something bounced against my head and fell on the floor. I picked it up. It was a packet of aspirin. I straighten back up, mug in one hand and aspirin in the other.  
  
"I thought you'd need it after the way you were knocking back the drinks back last night." Zack explained, shrugging his shoulders.  
  
I smiled, making my coffee, "Thanks."  
  
"It's fine." He replied before going back to where the bunks were.  
  
I sat down on the stool next to the side, placing my mug on it.  
  
"Alex, you didn't answer me last night..." Jack said after a beat or two of relative silence.  
  
I looked up from my mug, which I had been staring at aimlessly, "What did you ask me?"  
  
His lips were moving, making words, but I wasn't listening, I was distracted by his soft, soft lips.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I said, why did you get so drunk last night?" He repeated.  
  
"Oh... Um..." I stalled for time, I didn't want to remember that it was because of him dancing with those girls last night - that was the idea behind getting shit-faced - but I did, "I just felt like it."  
  
It was a weak reply, I knew, and, looking at him, Jack knew that too. He raised an thick eyebrow and walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.

* * *

It was two days later and we were on stage, about halfway through our set, and Jack and I were taking requests from the crowd.  
  
"Hey you!" Jack said, pointing at a girl at the front with blue hair, "I like your hair!"  
  
She squealed while I silently seethed with jealously, my jaw clenched. Why couldn't he say he liked my hair?  
  
"What would you like us to do?" Jack asked, passing her a microphone so she could speak into it.  
  
"Would you kiss?" Was her nervous reply.  
  
There was no way I couldn't hear it, it had been magnified by the microphone and now the entire crowd seemingly, was chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"  
  
My heart was pounding against my chest as Jack came towards me, his eyes twinkling in the bright lights. I tried desperately not to show how much this was affecting me.  
  
His lips pressed against mine and my heart soared above the crowds. Cameras and phones flashed behind my eyelids. Then he pulled away and went back to his mike. My heart thudded in my ears.  
  
"The things you guys have us do!" Jack said, laughing as the crowd went wild.  
  
I remembered that it was just a joke to him, nothing real. I felt sick with myself for believing, even for a second, that Jack would feel the same way.  
  
I looked away from Jack and annouced to the crowd, "The next song's called Come One, Come All."


	2. "Here I go again, another leap of faith..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (To Live and Let Go - All Time Low)

After having a shower, I went straight to my bunk. I couldn't face Jack, not when my emotions were all over the place.  
  
I kept replaying the kiss in my head. It was, for lack of a better word, perfect. His lips were so soft, and his hands had rested lightly on my hips. It had felt like he'd set me on fire. But he only kissed me for the fans, not because he had any _actual_ feelings for me.  
  
Jack only liked me as a friend, and that thought hurt, maybe more than the kiss did. He saw me as his best friend, nothing more. And I had to get used to that. I was fine before, when I had only saw him as my best friend, but now, when I saw him as something _more_ , it was painful to be around him.  
  
"Alex?" It was Jack, I'd recognise that voice anywhere.  
  
"Yeah?" I replied.  
  
"Are you coming out with us?" He said from behind the curtain that I had pulled across.  
  
"No." I just wanted to wallow in my misery for a bit.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Damn Jack and his questions.  
  
"I don't feel like it." I said, sighing quietly, wishing he would just go.  
  
"Ok." He responded.  
  
I didn't breath as I listened to his footsteps fade. As I heard him shut the door between the bunks and the kitchen and front longue, I pressed my face into the pillow.  
  
The "Jalex" theory was definantly going to kill me, if not then it's crush my heart slowly and painfully.

* * *

"Alex? Where - hic! - are you?"  
  
I cursed under my breath, Jack was drunk, that much was obvious.  
  
"In the bunks Jack." I called.  
  
I heard him stumbling towards me, evidently tripping over several things as he did so. Finally, he reached the bunk area.  
  
"Alex?" He whispered loudly.  
  
"Jack, what do you want?" I asked, poking my head out of the curtain to see him swaying on his feet.  
  
"You - hic! - You didn't really - hic! - answer my question the other day."  
  
I knew exactly what he was talking about - the question that I had avoided answering.  
  
"Yeah? And what about it?"  
  
Jack staggered over to me and fell into my bunk. He was directly on top of me and I couldn't help but to think about what it would be like to kiss those soft lips of him.  
  
"I want you to..." He slurred, pausing for a moment, "I want you to - hic! - tell me why you got so drunk that time."  
  
In a split second, I decided to tell him the truth. It wasn't like Jack was going to remember what I said, he was drunk.  
  
"Jack, it was because you were dancing with those half-naked girls. I couldn't deal with it, so I got plastered, like I did when I'd felt that influx of feelings when you kissed me onstage..." I trailed off, feeling the urge to kiss him again.  
  
"Oh," Jack struggled to get out of my bunk, clearly he was disgusted with me and didn't want to be near me, "Night Lex."  
  
My heart sung as I heard that nickname, but I quickly crushed that feeling as I remembered he was drunk and that he was disgusted with me.

* * *

The next moring, I woke with a sick feeling in my stomach as I recalled the events from last night. Me telling Jack how I felt about him and him being - quite rightly - repelled by me.  
  
With an heavy heart, I got up and got dressed before going through to the kichen area, praying that Jack was still in bed, sleeping off his hangover. But, naturally, the fates weren't going to be that kind. When I got into the kitchen, Jack was up and awake, making himself a cup of coffee.  
  
As the door behind me shut, Jack half-turned and asked if I wanted a mug of coffee.  
  
Momentarily, I wondered why he wasn't just ignoring me - as I expected him to - but then I remembered, Jack had been drunk when I'd told him about my feelings for him.  
  
"Yeah, sure, thanks." I replied, sitting at a stool, watching as Jack got two mugs out of a cabient below the counter, giving me a chance to look longingly at the little strip of skin exposed between the top of his sweats and the bottom of his t-shirt. He straighten up, much too soon in my opinion.  
  
"Where's everyone else?" I asked, averting my eyes to the fridge instead of Jack's pale skin.  
  
Jack stratched his head with a hand and I admired the way his amr flexed slightly. He answered, "Erm... I think everyone's out getting food."  
  
I nodded as Jack passed me my mug of scalding coffee and sat next to me. Just sitting next to him sent jolts of delight down my spine.  
  
We sat there in silence as we drank our coffee, both of us, I think, lost in our thoughts. Mine were all centred on the beautiful man next to me.  
  
"Hey Lex?" Jack suddenly spoke.  
  
"Yeah Jack?" I said, nervousness taking over my body.  
  
"You know, I had this dream last night and... You were telling me hat you had feelings for me. But that can't be right, can it?"  
  
I forced myself to laugh and reply, "No, of course not." even as my heart twisted painfully in my chest.  
  
Is this what it felt like to suffer from heartbreak? I though as Jack laughed with me, his teeth shining brillantly.

* * *

It was sunset and I was watching it set, even through tear-blurred vision. This was the only time I'd had to myself all day, having being run off my feet with interviews and practices. Throughout the day, I had kept my mask on, fake smile in place as I did my job, but now, in private, I could let it fall and let my true feelings shine through.  
  
"Alex?" Rian's voice called my name.  
  
Quickly, I wiped my tears away and put on my fake smile as I turned, greeting him as he strode over to sit next to me.  
  
I took a ragged breathe in, hoping that it would make me feel better. It didn't.  
  
"Why are you out here when everyone else is inside?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, I felt like some fresh air." I lied, what I really meant was that I couldn't stand being near Jack - even though I craved it - when he'd brushed off my feelings so easily, even if he didn't know of my true feelings.  
  
"That's rubbish, and you know it," He said, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders, "Now tell me the real reason."  
  
The warm heat of his arm seeping into my shoulders and the truth in his gaze was all it took for me to break. Properly this time.  
  
I collapsed against his chest, my tears soaking his shirt. I was sobbing like there was no tomorrow. It just hurt so much, I was fed up of keeping a happy mask on, it felt good to let it all go.  
  
After a few minutes, my sobs quieted down and I pulled away from Rian, apoligising for the wettness of his shirt.  
  
He flapped a hand, saying, "It doesn't matter. What does matter is what's got you so upset. Care to tell me?"  
  
I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand, "I - it's nothing, believe me. It's just me being stupid, as usual." I laughed weakly.  
  
"I'm not leaving until you tell me." Rian said, crossing his arms over his chest, a determined look on his face.  
  
"Fine," I sighed, thinking over my words carefully before speaking, "It's Jack. I - I've developed... _feelings_ for him, which he clearly doesn't return. And yesterday, while he was drunk, I told him that I liked him. This morning, while you guys were out getting food, he told me that he'd had a 'dream' about my confessing to liking him. He asked if it was true, I told him it wasn't, and we laughed."  
  
"Oh Alex..." Rian said, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly.  
  
He felt sorry for me, that much was clear.  
  
"Hey guys! What are we doing?" A loud voice interrupted whatever Rian had been about to say. It was Jack.  
  
I got up and walked away. I could hear Jack asking Rian why I was leaving and Rian telling him to leave me for a bit. Thank God for Rian.


	3. "Here isn't where I wanna be, and satisfaction feels like a distant memory..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys)

I just walked, unheeding of the shouts that followed me. I didn't know where I was going, and for once, I didn't care.  
  
I wandered around the streets for about half an hour until I accidentally came upon a park. I went in, the iron gate squeaking in protest.  
  
It was almost dark, making the park look more menacing than it did in daylight. I made my way to the swings and sat on one. I dragged my feet on the tarmac, pushing myself along.  
  
My phone was going off. I looked at the caller ID. It was Jack. I sighed, unwilling to answer it. So instead, I let it ring, the noise loud in the otherwise silent park.  
  
I didn't want to talk to Jack, not now, not when I was so vunerable to him. That was the problem, no matter what he said, it would always hurt me, whether he meant it to or not.

* * *

Eventually, about three hours later, I went back to the bus. I walked through the door and was attacked - quite literally - by Jack.  
  
"Where were you?" He asked, while squeezing the life out of me.  
  
"I - can't - breath..." I said, taking a deep breath after he'd let me go.  
  
"Sorry," He said, rubbing the back of his neck, "It's just, I was worried, you know?"  
  
He had been worried about me! My heart sung. But it was only because he was my best friend, nothing more.

* * *

That night I had a dream about Jack confessing his love for me and then proceeding to kiss me. When I woke up, I broke down in sobs, heartbroken that he would never feel the same way as I did about him.  
  
"Alex?"  
  
"J - Jack?" I whispered, my voice croaky from the crying.  
  
"Are you crying?" Jack asked, being a caring friend.  
  
That simple sentence had me breaking down again. He didn't know about my true feelings, and even if he did, he wouldn't return them.  
  
"No?"  
  
I heard him move and then my curtain was being jerked to the side, showing a dark outline of Jack. He sat down on my bunk, his neck bending in order for him to sit. I shuffled sideways towards the bunk wall.  
  
"Don't shit with me. You are." He said quietly, his minty breath in my face.  
  
I gulped, feeling overwhelmed but still aware of the burning hot tears running down my face.  
  
His fingers stroked across my cheek, leaving a heat that had nothing to do with the tears. He was touching me! Maybe, just maybe, there was hope.  
  
"Alex?" Jack whispered, so as to not wake anybody else up, "Are you going to tell me why you're crying?"  
  
The truth was burning inside of me, bubbling in my stomach. I felt like I _had_ to tell him, regardless of the consquences.  
  
"It's - it's..." I wiped those cursed tears away with the back of my hand and continued, "I like you, as in I _really_ like you. And it's killing me that you don't like me back, but that, that I can deal with. But what I _can't_ deal with is the fact that, when you were drunk, I told you about my feelings for you, and the next morning, you laughed about it. Granted you didn't know it was crushing my heart, but still, it hurt."  
  
Gathering the last of my courage, I looked up at him and gasped.  
  
"You really feel like that Lex?" He said, blinking his brown eyes rapidly.  
  
Shakily I nodded, "Yeah, I do."  
  
He doesn't seem to hate me, in fact he used his nickname for me!  
  
"That's - that's," Jack turned his face away, a blush staining his cheeks in the dim light of the streetlamp outside my bunk window, "Great! Fantastic! I mean, I'd never thought you'd feel the same way as I do."  
  
"Wait, you like me?" I questioned.  
  
He nodded hesitantly.  
  
"Then why did you dance with those girls?"  
  
"I didn't know you liked me, so I had to hide it." He explained.  
  
I nodded before asking, "Jack? Why did you just laugh at me the other morning, after I'd confessed my love for you?"  
  
"Because I had been drunk, so I'd thought it had just been a dream. I didn't know that your confession had actually happened. I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh Jack." I said, grasping his hand with mine. Our fingers entwined naturally. I rubbed his gently, trying to convey the amount of love I felt for him.  
  
Our faces were so close to each other, I could kiss him.  
  
Quite suddenly, our lips were moving together in a slow dance. His lips were soft despite how they looked. After a few moments of pure bliss, we pulled away and looked at each other with startled eyes.  
  
"Well... that was..."  
  
"Amazing." Jack finished off my sentence.  
  
"Yeah."

* * *

When Rian and Zack woke up the next morning, they found Jack and I cuddled up together on my bunk, his head on my chest.  
  
"Hey, wake up!" Rian said, shaking my shoulder.  
  
I cracked my eyes open, "Piss off Rian."  
  
"Good morning to you as well!" He said, laughing, "Seems like you have found out that he loves you."  
  
Looking down at Jack sleeping soundly on me, I smiled, "Yeah, I did."  
  
"Wake him up." Zack said, smiling.  
  
"I will do." I replied, watching them walk away, toward the kitchen.  
  
I nugded his cheek with my nose, "Jack, wake up. It's time for breakfast."  
  
"Food?" He mumbled sleepily, his eyes fluttering open.  
  
I laughed, "Yes, Jack food. Come on."  
  
Jack got up and pulled me up. Our palms touched, sending shivers up my spine in a pleasent way. He dragged me towards the kitchen, where I could smell pancakes. I hoped Rian was making them, his were the best. We entered the kitchen and Jack pulled me down on his lap when he sat down.  
  
"Hey lovebirds." Zack said, digging into his pancakes.  
  
I blushed furiously. Jack pecked me on the cheek before feeding me a forkful of pancake. I made an apprectiative noise and gave Rian a thumbs up.  
  
"So good." I mumbled, leaning back into Jack's chest. I felt his finger slowly card through my hair.  
  
This was worth everything I thought.


End file.
